Freedom is the constant fight for something that cannot be seen. -Intellectual Shaman
I walked away from her, despite wanting her. My ambivalence was a blessing. I went undefined, even though she defined me.
“Coward; what’s wrong with you? You’re gay.” Relationships are hell. It seems they cannot be avoided. Our convictions are misunderstood because of competing needs; the need to be validated. What one thing means to me is entirely different for someone else. I walked up the beach to my cockpit of materialism and gunned the engine. I won this round by not winning. I refused to be objectified. Love is a three-letter word without the e. Ecstasy.
The road took me where it was designed to go and I drove it to my own destination. University was different at night; with the black sky and the lighted windows, real thinking could happen.
I felt good being alone. I had ideas in my head and the disapproval of the world.