I was trying to figure out what to do with my life and Dave told me, “Join the fucking military.” But I had no intention of giving up my freedom to fight for my freedom. My uncle told me, “the world always needs accountants,” but balancing debits and credits? I needed action. So, I signed up for Fire Science. But then my advisor told me, “Most fire fighters die before the age of 44.” I wanted to make a living, which meant I needed to stay alive. I became so desperate that I signed up for a career class. Underwater welding? But their lungs failed. Electrician? It could be shocking. I took an interest in my boss’ job. Big mistake. “Did you fertilize the greens yesterday?”

“Yes,” my boss said.

“Good.”

“Are you trying to tell me how to do my fucking job!?”

“No.”

I didn’t know what to do or who to turn to, so I visited a psychologist. “There is nothing wrong with you,” he said. “You are going through a natural phase.” I reflected on the doctor’s words. Then I thought, giving people advice is easy and I majored in psychology.

My next job was 3 years of Justin Bieber music in an elementary cafeteria and trying to avoid the lunch lady who was after me. I did existential research and discovered that making decisions causes anxiety. People don’t want freedom; they want to be slaves. Now the world made sense. But how could I avoid anxiety and avoid being a slave? This question had to be answered to Beat the System.