Bill saw a lot for a man with only one eye. He was 74 years old and he followed his routines to cope with city life. He drove carefully down the 2 AM streets until he reached a 7 Eleven. Prostitutes greeted him before he walked in.

“You got any money?” They asked.

“I’ll buy you breakfast,” he said.

Bill preferred their company to the sons-of-bitches who shopped at Safeway in the afternoon. He got into fights with the pimps because they weren’t treating the girls right and they always backed down. Bill was a big guy and he worked-out at the senior center. He liked to brag to the guys about the diameter of his biceps and his sexual prowess. “It’s a crying shame the thing is shriveled-up most of the day,” he said.

“Took my girlfriend out for a steak dinner last night and the restaurant charged me 50 bucks. The steak had water in it and they expected me to tip. Can you believe that? Betty didn’t complain though; I kept her up all night.”

Bill read the National Inquirer and made coffee in the clubhouse every morning. It was bad, but nobody complained. He trimmed the collars and the rough with the old mower nobody else could operate. Bill cut and painted the yardage markers too. It seemed that all of his jobs carried some level of status or perhaps it was just his style of doing things.

We had our annual safety meeting with the manager of the golf course. Kelly seemed out of place amongst the men, but she moved the meeting along in a professional manner anyway. “If one of you experiences heart failure, apply the AED patches and connect the wires to the battery; then press the red button.”

“Excuse me, miss?” Bill asked.


“Let’s say a woman with voluptuous bosoms has a heart attack and I have to rip off her blouse. Can I remove her bra and apply the patches or do I need to ask permission?”

“Let’s hope that never happens,” Kelly grunted. “But if it does, you can do whatever it takes to save her life.”

Bill had a far-off look of satisfaction on his face while the other guys tried not to laugh.

“Okay, let it out boys,” Kelly said. And the men cheered with raucous delight.

They all had more respect for her after that.


4 thoughts on “Masculine Cyclops

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